Pandapassport Blog - Life in China
From Dalian, China --- "What are those wacky Dongbei-ren up to today?"
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Asian Pen-twirling Ninjas
Ok. So anyone who's ever sat in a class with a significant number of Asians might have noticed this insane ability that many kids have to twirl a pen around in their hand.

I noticed a few in my math class back in University, and when I came to China to teach, I noticed that some students had highly-developed master-jedi-ninja pen skills. It's just nuts what some kids can pull off. I've just recently mastered a half-twirl, and I'm pretty proud of that... But that's nothing compared to what these guys can do (see video):




Well, this video is done - I assume - by a bunch of Korean kids. I had a short discussion on this topic with a Korean friend of mine, and he says that in Korea, they even offer classes in pen twirling. Sign my ass up! Studying Chinese is getting a bit stale this late in the semester. I've spent most of my time tweaking this. Still in need of a logo though...

Anyway, give it a try if you have some spare time on your hands. My friend told me there are pen-twirling video tutorials on the net, so maybe you can find some!


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Thursday, June 22, 2006
Best in the World: Ronaldhino, Beckham, and Brazilian Gretzky ninja child
Ok. So me and my girlfriend are sitting down to watch football the other night, and not having watched football in a long time, she asks me "Who's the best player in the world right now?"

It seems that most people acknowledge that it's Brazil's Ronaldhino. So I search for a video of his highlights to show her. He is pretty amazing.

Nevermind that he looks like he could play bass for Alvin and the Chipmunks. He's a damn fine football player...

"What about Beckham?" she asks.

"Well, I'm just a Canadian, so I don't really know fuck-all. But I heard he scored from half when he was pretty young. That's gotta be good publicity."

Nevermind that his voice sounds like he's been kicked in the nuts repeatedly by... well... himself! Also, a damn fine football player...

Anyway, watching these videos reminded me of a video a Chinese friend of mine once showed me, about a young soccer prodigy ninja child from Brazil. His name is Jean Carlos Chara, born Dec. 5, 1995. Apparently European clubs have already shown interest in this kid, and if you look at this video you can see why:



That kid is insane. Retarded. Kinda puts you in mind of all those videos of Gretzky when he was a kid, and laying waste to children a few years older than him.

Why are we not hearing about any Chinese sport prodigies? Seemed like when I was in Canada, Chinese wonder-kids who could play piano and violin like they were on crack were a dime a dozen on TV... Is there another Yao Ming out there that we should know about? Or maybe a hockey prodigy somewhere in Harbin?

Wait and see I guess. By the way, where's Freddy Adu these days?


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Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Dalian Forum up and running. Meanwhile, Yogi says: Go Croatia!
Well, I've been toying with my new Dalian Information Exchange Forum recently, more than any other productive activity that might have been on my schedule. It's basically the same format as Dave's ESL Cafe, and I think most people who will read it are likely in (or are coming to) China - and are pretty accustomed to that layout.

I did however add a little bling to it, in the form of a neato Flash navigation thingie. If you were going to use the forum for more than 2 minutes at a time, it would probably get annoying. But I think the purpose of the info that I've put together is more targeted at this kind of person who has a single specific need, and can get it within a moment or two on my site - be it restaurant info, ESL School info, Chinese Study info, whatever. It's all there, laid out in pretty colored buttons... Still some kinks in it though.

Anyway, it's up now. And I encourage people to sign up and contribute information so that others may benefit from your hard-earned wisdom.

Meanwhile, over at Ryan's Lostlaowai.com, he's launched yet another neato feature called the Hao Hao Report. This is a section where you can post any China related article that you may have enjoyed recently, and eventually they'll be ranked or voted upon, and the Chinese cream will rise to the top of the ranks (if I understand it correctly). Check it out. Neato idea for sure.

Finally, as filler for a largely uneventful week, a word about what I've been missing in the world of sports:

Re: Stanley Cup Finals - Would you believe I listen to a radio broadcast of game 7 this morning, ala Foster Hewitt. It's just not the same... Carolina took away the Holy Grail of Hockey, the Stanley Cup, much to the dismay of Canadians everywhere as well as a greasy old Chinese Fortune teller here in Dalian who fittingly dared against all odds to pick the Oilers.

Re: NBA Finals - Who cares. Nash Phoenix is eliminated...

Re: World Cup - Would you believe I saw a Chinese dude wearing a "Tunisia" shirt today. Must have been a sale... Anyway, I'm supporting Korea from here on in. Despite being in China, I seem to have more contact with Koreans than any other nation. Good show against France, not that I was awake to see it...

Other silly/Canadian World Cup Observations:
What kinda bald spot is that on Zidane's head anyway? It's like he's the anti-pope or something...

And what's up with Croatia? Can a team who is this obsessed with picnics really expect to succeed on an international stage?



Although they do seem to be faring well on the Australian team, probably having discovered that barbeques are a far superior method of outdoor dining.

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Saturday, June 17, 2006
My Grandmother beat me to a podcast... How the fuck did that happen?
Yes, my grandmother is here in Real Audio. Stay tuned for the link. But first let me explain why:

A question you often get asked in China, is "When do you plan to go home?" And I usually have some difficulties answering this question, because I really don't know where home is anymore. For those of you who don't know, I grew up in a tiny town at the bottom of Newfoundland's "Irish Loop." That is, the Southern-shore of the Avalon Peninsula, on the East Coast of Newfoundland, which is an island on the East coast of Canada (see picture if that sounds complicated).

When I was growing up, our town had a whopping population of about 250 people. But due to a cod moretorium in 1991, almost all industry anywhere in the province (except in the Capital city -the only city in fact - of St. John's) has been about as successful as the mens Chinese football team. Population is likely now somewhere around 70 really friggin' old people, 12 dogs, and 1 tree... Most of my classmates are either in Alberta in Western Canada, where the oil money is - or in Iqualuit, in the far north, freezing their balls off for high isolation pay. And I'm here.

Anyway, my mom just sent me a radio clip of an interview my grandmother did with CBC radio, about how all these small towns are dying faster than... well... an angry Chinese protestor? These metaphors are gonna get me in trouble... My grandmother has done a ton of really admirable work, trying to save what's left of a dying Newfoundland Outport Culture. Hence the radio spot.



For anyone out there who wants to hear a Newfie accent, check it out. My grandmother has a hint of Irish in her voice, but I'm sad to say my accent is all but gone, and the best I can do these days is try to pull off some dongbei hua, just to look cute every now and then. For some other interviews from this same series on the Irish Loop, click here, here, and here.


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Monday, June 12, 2006
A Tale of Two (Chinese) Titties: Where are all the ladies at?
Ok, sorry. I've just been dying for an excuse to use that title. The first part anyway...

I mentioned a few weeks ago about how when I was flying back to Canada, there were a lot of couples bringing back adopted Chinese babies on my flight - I think at least 7 in total on one plane. But I was reading this article entitled China: Too Many Men, and it made me ask myself - How many of them were girls? And for the life of me, I can't remember seeing any boys in the bunch.

There are, supposedly, 120 men for every 100 women in China. One of the major reasons for this is that sons are traditionally preferred in China, since "it is sons, not daughters, who usually take care of their parents in old age." My Chinese teacher once told us during a lesson that in rural areas, many families feel they need a son to help with the heavy workload on the farm. There's also the question about carrying on the family name to be considered as well.

Well, if anything, this population imbalance definitely produces a market for shows like The Bachelor here in China.
**Note: By the way, has anyone seen this new reality show called Flavor of Love? It's like The Bachelor, but the bachelor in this case is none other than Public Enemy's Flava Flav! That's re-tahded...

Anyway, back to this boy-girl imbalance topic... I did some scholarly research on my own. I searched youtube - which for anyone who doesn't know, is a site where any regular Joe can publish a video on the net. I was curious to see what a search for CHINA + ADOPT would produce. I figured that there would be a ton of proud parents showing off videos of their beautiful new babies. And there were. By the way, congrats to all these families on their new additions.

The point of my experiment: Let's see how many of these babies were girls.
Search results: 36 videos. Here are the first names, which I will list just to show the boy/girl ratio:
Note: I hope I don't infringe on anyone's privacy by listing these first names.

Matthew
Shen
Sarah
Gracie
Aveleen
Tamlyn
Stephanie
Mackenzie
Catherine
Gwendolyn
Alexandria
Mischa
two daughters
(no names given)
Kaara
Sophie
Olivia
Emma
Jacob
Zoe
Gwen and Ben
Kiah
one daughter
(no name given)
Maia
Harriet
Isabel
daughter (no name)


Final Score: Girls 24, Boys 4

So, are "unwanted" baby girls still a problem in China? Will the "too many men" problem be solved anytime soon? I'm not saying nuthin'...
You be the judge.

By the way, for those of you who came to this site looking for hot asian chicks, click here.
Sorry. Try here. It has dwarves and everything...

Tune in next time, when I once again put the cart before the horse, and write an article just so I can use a title... :)

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Saturday, June 10, 2006
Learn Chinese, then Cross the Bridge
Ok. So I've been studying Chinese for two semesters now, and I have to say it does make a big difference in my daily life. When I was in an elevator yesterday, a tiny little smurf of girl pointed out to her her mom that there was a "Bairen" (white man) in their presence. If I had no chinese, I could never have pointed back and accusingly answered "huangren!" (yellow person). Ah, good times, good times...

Aside from all this "greater cultural understanding" muck, what's really the greatest advantage to learning Chinese? Well, the biggest impact that learning Chinese has made on my daily life is this: Two words -- Delivery Food.

I'm a whore for Pizza Boy - not for their Pizza (which is a little mamahuhu) - but for their potato korokke, aka beautiful little deep-fried mashed-potato cakes. 8 kuai per pair. Luh-ovely...

Today I discovered yet another delivery gem - Delivery noodles. Yes, noodles. I love how the Chinese don't limit delivery food to stuff you can put in a box or a paper bag. If it can be eaten, it can be sent.
Note: For any dirty minded cork-soakers out there thinking, "Oh yeah, can they send poon?" ---well, yes, I'm pretty sure they can...

Anyway, whether they put it in a plastic shopping bag, or in a little plastic tub, noodles - and even soups - can be sent. I had a bit of a sore throat today, and these guoqiao mixian (or "Crossing-the-bridge rice noodles, see recipe here) hit the spot. Sore throat feels much better. So if you're sick in bed in China, and you don't want to go out for food, I highly recommend this course of action. It's much better than sucking back ketchup packets, which is what I used to do in the past.

A word about "Crossing-the-bridge" noodles. They got a bunch of vegetables and even some kinda bird egg in a nice broth. But the noodles are added last, poured from one bowl into the other, hence the name "Crossing-the-bridge." I thought it was going to be some mystical story about a young virgin peasant girl building a bridge (possibly a bridge of noodles) across the Yellow River to reach her true love on the other side, who's been alone in his hut crying a thousand tears because he's just dying to give 'er the dirty sanchez.

I mean really... Someone needs to porn-up these Chinese myths. They get a little stale after a few thousand years.

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Panda-monium for June 10: Why the fuck are there no ketchup flavored Lays potato chips anywhere else in the world but Newfoundland?! Can anyone confirm that they exist outside my province? Cause I've never seen it... How about Pineapple Crush? They still sell Pineapple and Lime Crush in Newfoundland. Is it nowhere else?








Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Irony at it's finest: Chen Shuibian VS Spyplane. Place your bets on which makes the evening paper.
Ok. Picture this: Some of the Chinese powers-that-be are in some conference room somewhere - monitoring dissidents, banning porn, getting foot massages, and wearing glasses that cover half their face.

Then a phone call comes in, informing them about Chen Shuibian's recent trouble:

Wei, ni hao.................No, I haven't heard anything about Chen Shuibian .........................he what? ...................... relinquished command of domestic whatzits?............................. fuckin' A!................. Yes, I'm sure we can find some firecrackers around here somewhere.
Hang on, I got a beep..........................

Wei, ni hao.......................Ya, I just heard! What a dickhead, wha?....................... No, they're certainly not very good with hiding secrets over there................. Maybe we won't be needing that survelliance plane after all....................What! What do you mean it slammed into a hillside?! Aiya!


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Panda-monium for June 7, 06: The Best Dam Engineering Project, Period.



Thursday, June 01, 2006
Booze on the High Seas? The Varyag: Is it an aircraft carrier, or is it a bar?
Well, if you live in Dalian you may have heard about a Russian-made aircraft carrier idly sittin' in the harbour. Apparently she's got no engine. As the story goes, it was bought by a Chinese company, but the Chinese still haven't decided what they plan to do with it.

Coincidentally, I also spent my first year in China idly sitting in Dalian as well. I'm happy to say, that I've since found something to do, but the Varyag - which is what this big ol' lump of metal is called - is still floating in Dalian harbour. Click here for a video.

Kinda like a stubborn turd, but with more military capability, right? Maybe not. I've heard rumors about this thing possibly being converted into a night club or a casino. That would be pretty cool, I'd have to say. If nothing else, all the Russian sailors who usually hit JDs (the bar of choice in Dalian) would be sure to save some cash on cab fares to the city center. They can just party in the port...

mmm.... port... Soon time for a trip to Metro I think.

Panda-monium for June 1: Dalian taxi fares have gone up according to this. I'm outta the country right now, but that's bad news for me when I get back on the weekend. Bummer...

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